Effort vs. Ease + Savory Bread Pudding

I had an epiphany today. Well, I guess I should say a growing hunch that finally “epiphanized”, if you will – is that a word? I was at a wonderful yoga class I attend every week and as usual, I was pushing myself harder than I should have. It’s pathetic that I do this because as with everywhere I go in the Berkshires, I was easily 20 years younger than everyone else in the room. Meaning there was really no contest flexibility-wise. Not that it’s supposed to be a contest at all, this is just another example of my immature, competitive, Western brain struggling to grow up and fully embrace higher-order Eastern philosophy. But I digress.

So I was in this class, sweating way more than I should have been, and at some point the instructor said, very gently, “Yoga is about trying to find a balance between effort and ease.” It's possible that she says this every single week, but for some reason I never heard it before. Today those words hit me like a ton of yoga bricks. Strike that - yoga bricks are made of foam. Let's just say it made a big impression on me.

I started thinking and realized that for a long time I’ve been making such an effort in my life. Trying hard to be good at everything, especially the things that are least natural to me. Trying to please everyone and make them all like me (even people that I don’t really like, how sick is that?) Very often those efforts have resulted in me being disappointed (don’t other people appreciate my effort?) or resentful (if they don’t appreciate it, then phooey on them) or at the very least, exhausted (it’s rather tiring trying to be perfect).


A perfect example of expending too much effort - Class moms were stressed about making sure each May Day crown had the right amount of flowers, but did it matter? Not one bit!

I don’t think I’m completely alone in this situation. In this country, we place such a high value on orchestrating every detail of our lives. I mean, we invented the self-help book industry, for God’s sake! And especially for women and mothers - we have so many forces lined up against us, but we also cling to the expectation that nothing should stand in our way. Trying to control everything often seems like the only means to get what we want. The trouble with that approach is that we’re damned if it doesn’t work, but we’re also we’re damned if it does - because how long can that kind of effort be sustained?

 

Here is balanced effort and ease - kids having fun and creating a beautiful result.

Even if we can agree that too much effort is not a good thing, there is still the question of how much ease is too much ease? How do I decide where to push hard and where to relax? In some cases, the answer is obvious. For example, every vacation that I’ve ever planned has pretty much blown up in my face. Even when everyone is satisfied with the accommodations, the activities, the weather, etc., I invest so much in the planning that I become extremely defensive at the slightest whiff of disappointment or annoyance from anyone on the trip. Which then snowballs until nobody is having a good time. So after enough bad experiences, I’ve learned not to get involved at all – just take it easy and enjoy whatever my husband has planned. (He’s much better at ignoring my complaints.)

The finished May Pole!

 As for the more complicated areas, such as relationships, mothering, work, etc., I clearly have a lot more pondering to do. Too much ease and relationships end up dying a slow death, children grow up not getting what they need, careers stagnate. Too much effort and we lose the joy in our lives; it all becomes one chore after another. Finding balance is indeed the challenge. Of course it's quite unlikely I’m saying anything that hasn’t already been covered by numerous special issues of Oprah magazine. But as with all revelations, this one feels important because it came to me personally. I look forward to asking for advice from my wise friends and family as I look for the middle way forward. And maybe I'll even crack open a self-help book or two on the subject.

Today’s recipe for Savory Bread Pudding is one attempt at balancing effort and ease. The “effort” is saving heels of bread in a ziplock bag in your freezer and resisting the urge to toss your broccoli stalks. (C’mon, you know you feel guilty throwing them out, anyway.) The “ease” is dumping bread cubes and sauteed veggies into a dish with milk, egg and cheese and ending up with something the whole family will devour. As with every recipe I post, feel free to substitute all over the place – different kinds of cheese or tofu, bread, veggies, herbs, soymilk, egg replacer, etc.)

And if you're feeling about five pounds underweight, be sure to instead make Emeril's version of this dish, found here. I swear, after just reading his recipe my pants already feel tight...

Apologies for the gross picture - not only was it too dark for natural light, but the bread pudding disappeared
so fast, I didn't have a chance to photograph the whole dish!

Savory Bread Pudding with Broccoli and Goat Cheese

• 2 tsp olive oil
• 1 onion, chopped fine
• 2 cloves garlic, pressed
• 2 cups chopped broccoli stalks, tough outer peel discarded (or florets if you prefer)
• 1 whole roasted red pepper (e.g. from a jar), chopped
• 1/2 tsp salt

In a medium skillet, saute the onion for several minutes, then add the garlic and  broccoli. Turn the heat down a bit and cover, stirring occasionally, until broccoli pieces are completely tender. Stir in red pepper.

While the vegetables are cooking, mix together:

• 2-1/2 cups lowfat milk
• 2 eggs
• dash salt

In a 9"x12" casserole dish, pour the milk mixture over:

• 8 bread ends from whole grain loaves, cut into roughly 1/2 inch cubes (about 6 cups)

Press down as you stir so that all the bread becomes moist. Once the veggies are ready, add them to the bread mixture. Gently fold in:

• 6 oz. goat cheese, crumbled

Cover the dish with foil and bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Prepare to watch it disappear. (Unless my kids truly are weird eaters, which I'm beginning to suspect...)

Wishing you a day of balanced effort and ease, and offering you a hug for encouragement.

Don't mind the grimace - she's a really good hugger.